Thursday, January 14, 2010

Patience is also a form of action. ~ Auguste Rodin

Patience is also a form of action. ~ Auguste Rodin.

I may get a mug with this on it, and stare at it all day while I drink my decaf coffee and water.

This helps remind me that the process of creating little Michael(a) began way before sperm meets egg.  In the immediate context, the act of bringing a new little life into the world began with the decision to have a fourth child.  That decision then led to "actively trying to conceive", which will eventually result in conception.  Right now, typing this post, I'm actively working on getting little one here in my arms.  I'm readying myself emotionally and mentally, I'm taking care of myself, taking prenatals, and I'm living today, which puts me one day closer to the next chance I get to introduce sperm and egg.  ;-) 

On a more zen, abstract level, Michael or Michaela's spirit has been pushed closer and closer to us beginning with the birth of his/her older brother, his/her older sisters, and his/her spirit sibling who never came to earth.

Sometimes our family gets so caught up in talking about our kids' new baby brother/sister that we must sound like (s)he is already here.  I catch myself and think it odd for a moment.  However, (s)he already has a place in our hearts, and it's just a matter of time until (s)he is here with us.  That's how all my babies started - a thought.  A yearning.  The baby bug.  All of my children grew first in my heart and head, then in my body.  I imagined what they looked like before I laid eyes on them.  I imagined what they smelled like before I held them close to me.  I imagined what they would sound like before I heard them laugh (and cry!).  I imagined what they would live like before I began to raise them.  This fourth child is no different.  I'm in the beginning stages of parenting.  Again.

Statistics that say it can take up to 12 months for a healthy couple to conceive.  An average, for a healthy couple, of 4 - 5 months.  In that respect, Ken and I are on our second month.  We're putting in our time.  We're halfway there.

Statistics, unfortunately, also state that things can go wrong more frequently in a woman of AMA (advanced maternal age).  I hope that we only have to go through the journey of getting a positive pregnancy test one more time.  Though I know it's possible, I really don't want to endure another miscarriage.  If waiting for the perfect sperm and the perfect egg to unite will put Baby M on solid ground, I'll wait for that.

I'll pass the time with dreaming of the great things my children will do and the great people they will be come.  All four of them.

No comments:

Post a Comment